August 27, 2015: Absquatulate

I once met an unfortunate fate,
En route to my wife for a date.
As a thief took my money,
He said something funny,
"Best now that I absquatulate!"

September 28, 2014: Helpmate

For too long I gambled with fate
Till my paramour said she was late
I'll pay for rearing the kid
Just like I oughta did
And hope she don't tell my helpmate

September 27, 2014: Bibliophobe

I circumnavigated the globe
Clad only in academic robes
I said, "Beneath is your textbook."
To a coed who stole a look
And now she's a bibliophobe

September 26, 2014: Hypogeum

I've toured all the world's mausoleums
And paid plenty shekels to see 'em
Once I unbarred the casket
The docent blew a gasket
And banned me from his hypogeum

September 25, 2014: Iwis

The fabulous, famous Elvis
Was peerless at curling his lips
His mammy he loved
All the chicks turtle-doved
Did he die in the crapper? Yes iwis!

September 24, 2014 Chansonette

That wily chanteuse Bernadette
Made an eight foot long python her pet
When it entered her knickers
Her vocal cords flickered
And burst forth a loooong chansonette

September 23, 2014: Nidificate

Nidificate
To Taiwan the Klars did relocate
Taipei our place to nidificate
Fabricating our nest,
We've given our best
As the planet continues to rotate

October 15, 2008: Waylay

Waylay

Last week on my regular payday
I called on my friend the good Padre
We had lots of fun
Playing poker with nuns
Till we won their last cent and got waylaid

October 14, 2008: Otiose

Otiose
Good salesmen should be quite verbose
But this one was plain otiose
He couldn't tell tales
Or make any sales
Turns out he was just comatose

October 13, 2008: Sobriquet

Sobriquet
While traveling the road to Mandalay
I earned myself a new sobriquet
A gorilla emerged
Causing sudden bowel purge
So I’m called “Poopie Pants” to this very day

October 12, 2008: Euphonious

Euphonious

While my singing’s considered euphonious

My lyrical memory’s erroneous

Instead of “home of the brave”

I sang “warmongering slaves”

And was charged with high treason felonious

October 11, 2008: Plaudit

Plaudit
Desiring world plaudits and fame
I have one simple skill to proclaim
I can pick my friend's nose
While wiggling my toes
And no one else can do the same

October 10, 2008: Legerdemain

Legerdemain
When trying hard to entertain
I naturally veer to profane
After vodka martinis
I can't come close to Houdini
And lack skills in the legerdemain

October 9, 2009: Aficionado

Aficionado
Approaching the fresh avocados
I brandish my knife with bravado
Removing their pits
With a flick of my wrist
A guacamole aficionado

October 9,2008: Afficionado

Aficionado

Approaching the green avocados

I brandish my knife with bravado

Removing their pits

With a flick of my wrist

A guacamole aficionado

October 8, 2008: Circumlocution

Circumlocution
Though my brainpower is quite lillipution
I spew nonstop verbal pollution
I talk crap all day
Though I have nothing to say
And plead guilty to circumlocution

October 7, 2008: Implacable

Implacable
I face my implacable foes
And stand ready for one thousand blows
Although I'm surrounded
They're quickly confounded
By my nimble and light-hearted prose

October 6, 2008: Officioius

Officious
I find myself often suspicious
Of religious advice most officious
If saving my soul
Means no Rock and Roll
I prefer a path far more perditious

October 5, 2008: Rubicund

Rubicund
From her tingling rubicund cheeks
Came a few pititul squeaks
She gasped twice and spluttered
Caught her breath once and uttered,
"I see you've learned well your techniques."

October 4, 2008: Volte-Face

Volte-Face

A lady who’s clothing was sparse

Surprised with a sudden volte-face

Not looking for thrills

But to help with her chills

I offered warm hands for her arse